Stumbling On Happiness

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Birthday Song

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Friday, December 21, 2007

The Mystery Of The Tooth Fairy

There are several moms that made the trip to Haiti this week, and I cannot thank them enough for all their wonderful pictures. As you can see, my sweet older child has lost at least one of her baby teeth. This surprised me and makes me question her age. She may be younger than what I have been told. I hope to get copies of their birth certificates next week when I am there.

However, I had another surprise in store.

That is my baby girl on the left. Tomorrow, she turns 5 years old. And she is also missing her front baby tooth. What is up with that? How in the world did they both lose their teeth at the same time??? They are siblings, and they are at least 21 months apart, possibly more than that. This is the only picture where you can see this. In other pictures she makes every effort to hide it, so she must be self conscious about it, bless her heart. Unlike her big sis!

All the kids look fantastic in these shots. They also had a big party last night, and I can't wait to get the pictures from that event, I've already heard it was quite something!
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Thankfully now, I am done working until January 2. In the meantime, it's Christmas!!! I still have things to do!!! Not to mention the things I still have to do to prepare for our trip to Haiti, which begins on the 26th!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Before We Freeze

I wanted to get some pictures of my camilla before it freezes tonight. It will lose all it's blooms. It's pretty spectacular every fall, this year was no exception. It does need a trim, though!

What A Tangly Web We Weave

Life is funny sometimes. You never know what is going to happen next! L. is going to Haiti with me after all. I held out on cancelling his ticket for a few days, but he seemed steadfast (and satisfied) with his decision. I offered it to another PAC mom who had expressed some interest in going over the holidays, because at this point, those tickets are getting hard to come by at a decent price. But she had too many committments to get away. Good thing. When I finially called the airline I found out my tickets were non refundable AND non transferrable. Even though I am the purchaser, I could not even transfer his ticket to me for a later trip! (Read that fine print when you get those good deals!) So, I thought to myself, looks like he's going after all! Now...how to break it to him???? He was at his dad's for a few days, but after he'd been home for a bit on Friday, I told him about how I could not do anything with his ticket except postpone his trip---that was the only option. So, he needed to go with me. Thinking it was all settled, I went into the kitchen to cook/clean/whatever. About 5 minutes later he came in and said, "OK, mom, I guess I'll go"...even better, now he thinks it's his idea!!! Saturday his dad called, wanting to see what the Christmas "schedule" was (you joint custody parents know what I'm talking about) and to make sure we were not duplicating presents for the boys. I told him L.was going to Haiti with me because I could not cancel the ticket. He got real quiet, then he said, "I thought we'd (he and his wife)just about talked him out of it". I got into steamroller mode and said, "Well, he's going, and it will be the experience of a lifetime for him" etc, etc. I think my ex suffers from alot of guilt feelings. By the end of the conversation he had agreed to pay for our flights from Atlanta to Fort Lauderdale!!! And that was his idea, not mine, I was planning on driving!

But obviously I knew for sure then where the whole thing had gotten hung up. Even though L. had denied it earlier when I had asked him if not going on this trip was his father's idea. The whole concept of it being "depressing", well, those are his father's words. I have never heard L. use that term until he "decided" suddenly to nix his trip, but I sure have heard his father use it many many times. As in, didn't want to watch a certain movie, too depressing, or watch a certain show, too depressing. Or listen to certain music, too depressing. I don't think my son will find the trip to be depressing, even though aspects of it are. It's more likely that he might find it to be boring at times! But he is too much like me in that he is curious and interested in the human condition, and how other people live. In my heart, I know it will be a life altering experience for him, although he may not realize it until much later.

At 14 he is full of testosterone. He thinks he is the man, and he makes all his own decisions.(I let him think that to a degree) Some of these decisions over the past 6 months, have not been that great, and have landed him in various degrees of hot water. He has faced some consequences. Nothing so serious that he cannot overcome, but I think it will be good for him to see how many other people in this world live, in contrast to the opportunities that he has.

While I firmly believe all of our children should have their innocence and their childhood, I do not think it is good to shelter them too much past a certain age, because then they are unprepared for the realities of life. It's ironic that my Haitian children, at much younger ages have led lives so much harsher than
anything my boys, or my ex-husband, for that matter, could imagine. I have already discussed some of these realities with my boys, but I think I'll spare my ex-husband, as I'm sure he would find it "too depressing".

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Finished At Last!

Our PAC group of mamas decided we would decorate T-shirts for the kids at the orphanage for Christmas this year. I signed up for my girls, of course, and two others, one who is going to France, and the other is still waiting for a forever family.

I think I got way too invested in this project, but I had alot of fun doing it. The painting was very theraputic to me: I love to paint! Walls, pictures, and now apparently T-Shirts!

Now time to get them in the mail so they can get to Haiti.

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On the subject of Haiti....I am traveling there at the end of the month to visit my girls. When I first decided on this, months ago, my 14 year old son told me he wanted to go too. I was hesitant at first. It's not the safest place in the world, or the most comfortable or convenient. Also, there was the extra cost of his passport, plane ticket, and medicals.But he insisted he wanted to go, and I finially relented. I felt that despite the cost and risk involved, in the long run it would be good for him to see that not everyone in the world has the opportunities that we do. After awhile I got pretty used to the whole idea, and felt comfortable with the decision. I thought it would be good for him and the girls to have this bonding time. Friday afternoon on our way to the Dr. (for his meds) he screwed up his courage and told me he had changed his mind, he did not want to go after all. Needless to say, I was stunned. I did not see this coming. He is not real verbal, nor does he like confrontation, so I know it was hard for him to tell me. He said he'd changed his mind because he did not want to deal with the depressing aspects of it all---and anyone who has made this trip knows he knows what he's talking about----but I'd be lying if I said I was not really dissapointed. I went ahead and got his meds anyway, in case he changes his mind over the week-end, but he seems pretty relieved now that he is not going. I asked him if someone (his dad?) had talked him out of it, but he said he'd made the decision on his own. And I'm very glad he was honest, and told me. Its just hard for me to understand because he was SO enthusiastic until now. I actually feel somewhat angry about it but I'm trying to get past that because for me, anger is usually my secondary reaction to the real problem, which is hurt. But what can I do? I'm not about to force a trip to Haiti on anyone that does not want to be there, much less a 14 year old kid!

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Reason for the Season

It is not my intention to get political on this blog, but I wanted to post this picture because it's the first time in many years I have seen anything like it in a public arena. In the little town I grew up in Northern California, I used to look so forward to the Nativity Scene going up on the (usually snow covered) courthouse lawn.

I found this old picture of that courthouse on the web. No, not taken by me as a child! (LOL) Probably not too long after it was completed judging by the cars and lack of landscaping.

This is how it looks today. I couldn't find a Christmas picture. So I don't know if they still do the Nativity or not.

At any rate, I was happy to see the Nativity Scene go up across the street from City Hall down here in Tiny Town South, USA.

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9 days ago I posted that I was creatively blocked due to my procrastination in dealing with some tough issues concerning my adoption and some very important people close to me. I actually have two seperate issues going on, if you can believe that! One person is right here, the other lives across the country. I'm still working on the latter, but I dealt with the here and now shortly after that post. I am sorry to report that this person is not going to be at all supportive of my adoption and after many years, will probably not be in my life anymore at all. And that is what I was afraid of. So I am dealing with some real heartache and loss, but on the other hand, I got my answer, instead of trying to guess or fantisize about what was going to happen, and as a result, I am no longer feeling nearly as creatively blocked or emotionally constipated. Thankfully I feel more like myself. It is not like me to NOT deal with issues, and often I rush headlong into these emotional forays shooting from the hip, devil may care where the chips fall. But I have also learned to value the concept of timing. As in "timing is everything". I hope I am not being too obtuse here. I still feel the need to protect the privacy of everyone involved. But I know a few people here were waiting for the other shoe to drop, and it did!