The Fourth of July

My friend over at Casa de King has a post that mirrors my mind-set about being an American, as well as having these kids home at last. And I was so grateful to be able to celebrate this holiday with them. I remember last year LG was not here either, and I pretty much did nothing. Unfortunately I was content with that. One thing I know for sure, these girls are going to keep me young! Doing nothing IS NOT AN OPTION!

Here's one of the main things I did today, of course. At the end (of many hours) I finally figured out that a 1 & 1/4 inch box is the perfect size for the perfect braid for these little beads. At least on this little girl's head. She is old enough to pick what she wants done and sometimes is very set on it. Like yesterday. I groaned when I saw she had collected all these little pony beads. But, oh well. She has beautiful hair BTW.

While doing hair, I had a Boston Butt in the crock, making the Best BBQ Evah! The girls liked it. They thought it was chicken. I have learned that for the time being to call all meat chicken so they will eat it. If I try to explain that it's beef or pork or turkey, they say "Me no like it!" after one little bite. So when they ask if it's chicken, I just nod. For now. It works and they eat it.

I knew I would never get them up and ready in time for a parade, but we did make it to the local fireworks show. Somebody is getting excited about that!

A short time later she is pouting a little bit about something. I know she will forget all about it as soon as the show starts.

And these two, goofing off. As they should.

Then we came home and lit off a small box of our own pyro-technics. The girls fell into bed exhausted at 11pm, (me too) it was way past their bed-time.

July Bullet Points

*I have been trying to teach the girls a little bit about the July 4th holiday. It is a difficult concept for young minds to grasp. I bought them little star spangled outfits and let them wear them to daycare today. Then one of the kid's mom came with cupcakes decorated red/white/blue and they all sang 'happy birthday 4th of July' so they are starting to get the idea. I can't wait to see them watch fireworks for the first time!

*They have 'American' names that blend with their Haitian names. Their Haitian names now serve as their middle names. I eased into this transition. In the beginning I did not know if we would get there or not, everything was so overwhelming to them, this was just one more thing. But at daycare, their American names are used and they like that. We sometimes fall back to their Haitian names at home out of comfort and habit, but mostly we just use the new names and everyone is comfortable with that. Except Miss Lady told Princess that she had to call her by her Haitian name, she was not allowed to call her A_ _ at home. Not sure what that is all about, and it does not matter because that lasted for one day, and Princess is back to calling her A _ _ just like they do at school.

*I hope I'm not scaring people when I write about some of the behavioral issues that are going on with the girls especially now that they are getting more comfortable at home. It's annoying, but it's all manageable. Yesterday Little Miss Lady wanted to do a less bratty, but still pouty version of getting ready for school. I think this is how God keeps me close to Him because it's always at this point I literally pray for patience. (And it helps, alot) When we got to the teeth brushing point tho, and she was trying to drag her heels, and I took her toothbrush away from her and told her cheerfully that I was going to brush her teeth for her (again) she shaped up, grabbed the tooth brush back from me and said she would do it herself. She was mad and she cried, but she got it done and that was the end of it.

*Every afternoon when I go to pick them up, Princess Pistolero is filthy from rolling around on the play ground, and Miss Lady has a bunch of drawing/letterings she has done and wants to bring home. All this week she has had some version of everybody she loves. Today, it was just "I love UUUUU" over and over again. The other day (and this is not unusual) she named everyone in the family, including 'Papa'. That would be my ex-husband. They are totally enthralled with him. Having once felt the same, I'm unsure of how to handle this, so I just let them be enthralled with him and he enjoys it. They know we're not married anymore, and I guess they know he has another wife and 2 little girls, whom they conveniently ignore whenever we are over there picking up LG. I'll keep you posted on how this all plays out. They have not called him Papa to his face yet but I know it's coming....

*They love "Telenovelas" (Mexican soap operas) almost as much as they love cartoons. When they get tired of cartoons, this is what they naturally gravitate towards. I notice that culturally, these soaps reflect more of what they are accustomed to. They definitely gravitate towards that Latin American feel. That's just what we need, to be speaking 3 languages in this house, as if we don't have enough already going on! My favorite is "Guarded By An Angel". At least, I'm pretty sure that is the English translation. See, it's not hard to get sucked into these things.

That's it for now. Hopefully I will have some fun holiday photos in a few days!

Control

When we adopt, we obviously enter uncharted territory. As much as we read about stuff, or intellectualize things, we can never really know what the heck we're dealing with or how we are going to handle it until we are there in the midst of it all.

I wish I could tell you everything was puppy dog-kisses, hearts and butterflies all the time, but that would be a lie. Although it's pretty close a whole lot of the time. These two girls are so sweet natured it just amazes me. But they are also children. Hurt children. Underdeveloped children. Children with some physical ailments still lingering.

It's hard to remember all that in the heat of a tantrum. And they both have them. Princess Pistolera started almost immediately. While we were still in Haiti. While she is more frequent, in an odd way she's more manageable to me. Her tantrums are sort of age appropriate. I can put her in the time out chair, which is not isolated, and she eventually comes around and reverts to her sweet little self.

Little Miss Lady has other methods. And they have not surfaced until quite recently. I knew it was coming because it's not possible for a child to be perfect all the time, and she is naturally very pleasing, very easy going. She does like to control her environment. She likes to control her little sister...not always possible....and she has a little temper that shows itself sometimes. Lately, that's everyday.

She can be VERY stubborn, and I have been getting discouraged. Mainly at myself because I have been succumbing to anger, and when that happens, guess what, she knows she pushed my button, which is what she wanted to do in the first place. Last night I brushed up on my "Adoption Parenting Toolbox", trying to remember why she was throwing these troublesome tantrums in the first place.

Oh yeah. It's about control. And anger. As in "I'm a 9 year old child, and I don't really have any control. My birth parents made the decision to give me away. WHY????????????"

I have to remember not to take it personally.

So this morning, she started first thing. Why this surprised me I don't know, but it did. She did not want to get up, get dressed, or go to 'summer school' and she cried and pouted and stalled the whole time she got dressed. Then she refused to brush her teeth. Refused. I told her if she did not start by the time I counted to 3, I would be brushing them for her. She chose to go there. Matter of factly, and rather vigorously, I brushed her teeth for her. Boy was she mad. But I'm thinking she may not do that again cause it was not that fun for her. In the car she threw her banana and her bottled water at her sister. I calmed glanced back at her glowering face and told her she would NOT be watching High School Musical tonight when we got home. No Gabriella (whom she idolizes) for her tonight. Then I turned up the volume and sang with the radio the entire way to daycare, like I was having the time of my life. She was less pouty, but still rebellious when we arrived. She had taken her sandals off and hidden them under the seat. She put her shoes on S-L-O-W-L-Y when I asked her to, and did not resist going in which was an improvement. Last Friday she had a full-on melt-down when we arrived. But today I said "I'm going to tell you a secret. Mommy does not like to get up and go to work either. So I understand. Just like you don't like getting up for summer school. But it makes us better, so that's why we have to do it". She accepted me giving her a hug, even tho she was still really mad, and then for good measure she stomped off to join her classmates.

I'm getting ready to go pick them up now. Undoubtedly she will be little Miss Sunshine. This is how it goes. She will be the child she is 95% of the time. But I don't expect all this negative stuff to stop right away. I don't know when it will stop. I know I felt better not losing it today. I know she has to learn about consequences of her behavior. I feel like I made some progress today. I was able to show some empathy, instead of my anger, and it was not easy. I'm not that patient. It's true what they say; anger usually just continues a bad cycle. And I really do feel for her. I can't imagine what goes on in that head sometimes. I am in awe that she is as easy and loving as she is considering all she has been thru.

Anyway, just didn't want y'all to think it was all puppy-dog kisses hearts and butterflies all the time. And I think we will be washing the car tonight since we won't be watching HSM.

Language Explosion

In the last week or so, I have really been noticing Miss Lady's language usage taking off! I have known that her comprehension was good, even before she came home. That has only improved. But in the last week she will just pop out some spontaneous, full sentences. She has used lots of words and would string a few together, or she would answer questions, but this week, full, uncoached sentences. Such as: we were leaving church and walking thru the parking lot. She spotted my car and said "there is your car!". I was a little distracted, so I said 'yes, there it is' then it dawned on me what just happened. And there has been more of that since. The funniest (and about to become the most annoying thing) is she bickers with her sister in English now. They really did not bicker much previously, but now since she is speaking so much more, I really notice it..."Princess P, sto-o-o-op it!" or "Princess P, hush!" Because Princess P, like any self respected little sister makes it her business to annoy her big sister when ever she feels like it. She also is exploding in her puzzle work...most kids when they come home cannot put together even a simple puzzle although they can learn quickly, and it is important to their brain development. Last week she put together a 25 piece frame puzzle by herself and this week she has attempted a 100 piece jigsaw several times and made good progress on it.

Princess P, on the other hand, while extremely bright, is less interested in this kind of thing, but is very driven athletically. I can't wait to see where that takes us. She is fearless! Her language comprehension is fine, but she does not speak in full sentences yet. Why should she, her sister does it for her! They are very naturally intertwined. Someday I will write about the pros and cons and funnies and difficulties of that.

They still have full on Creole discussions between themselves, but that is diminishing. Many people say they wish their children would retain their native language, but it's not really possible for a child to be bi-lingual unless they have constant exposure to two languages. Their brain has to shut out the one language in order to absorb the other. So I am happy with the progress. It has to do with school. Of course I don't want them to get left behind academically; they start behind their age group as it is. And for us, school is only 6 short weeks away...starts the first week of August. I want them to be as ready as possible.



Here's a short clip of them playing with their brother. They can play rough. You ought to see these 3 with water guns. It's brutal!

Happy Father's Day

Dad & my oldest sister Susan, 1950

He was a young dad. He was a many-times-blessed dad...9 times!

I sure do miss him.

Memorial Park

I have to give kudos to Janet's older daughters. They have been taking care of TnT with Janet in Haiti right now, and their Dad on on the road. Is it just me, or are Haitian kids incredibly smart, alert, curious, and therefore BUSY? Times that by 2, and you have one busy mama. Or in their case, two busy older sisters. So, we got them all together yesterday for a stroll thru Memorial Park. Pretty Haitian girls x 4 = GOOD TIMES

Ashley in charge

Memorial Park has a pool and a play ground, a lake, cook-out areas, a theater and a small wildlife zoo. So off we go!



First stop: the alligators! It reminded me of our trip to Haiti Baptist Mission exactly one year ago. And they had a crocodile. To me, both equally yucky...I'm not a big fan of most reptiles.


Turtles are OK, we saw those next.

We also went to the reptile house and there was a guy there holding a rat snake. Obviously I'm grateful for rat snakes but I don't want to hold one. I did my best not to display my prejudice however and encouraged the girls to touch the snake, but they declined (smart girls) except little T barely put her finger on it after much ado.

Next, the birds. There were several types of owls but this picture of the horned owl was the only decent shot I got.

Red Tail Hawk, which is native to this area, but rare. They also had some wild turkeys and that species is also native but rare, although I have one that shows up in my front yard periodically.

Golden Eagle

Bald Eagle

Then on to the big (literally) attraction, the Black Bear. Doing what any respectable bear would do in the heat, take a nap!

Princess decides she is a bear too...

Bear Habitat

Did I mention it was hot? 98 degrees and 88% humidity. At least the trees helped!

Pretty girls!

Little Miss Lady took this shot

Then we went to the play ground for awhile.

These girls love to swing...

Then a walk in the heat up a hard hill to the parking lot (I felt like the turtle) and we were done!

All In A Day

This may have to become my all-time favorite photo of these two!



Some of you have asked me for some Princess Pistolero stories. They are not all silly or funny. For instance, she was in meltdown mode all day yesterday because I did not do the bottom row of her braids to her satisfaction. After almost 8 hours of hair and a severely cramped left hand, I did not intend to make this minor adjustment, thus the meltdown. But...then we met some friends, we went to Barnes and Noble for the first time, and then went to the Mexican restaurant, and she was back to her silly sunny self.

And no, I did not redo her braids. Perhaps that seems heartless to some of you, but as I wrote in my previous post, she tests every limit, and as hard as it can be sometimes, she has to learn that there are some. My palsied hand testified.

If you ever met her, chances are the person you would see would act shy, quiet and polite. It would be awhile before you saw this: