Bulletproof

Ava is home again.  As of last night.  I have not had time to update here much, but about 48 hours after her last release she was rehospitalized.  That was last Thursday.  She came home from that stay angry and defiant, and by day two we were in deep water.  It ended after she crashed my front window with a rock, the flying glass missing Stevenson and Elle's heads by about 12".  I called the sheriff and the ambulance and this time she went to the emergency room willingly.  She did not stay there willingly, she tried to walk out, which ended badly involving hospital security, about 6 personnel members, bed restraints and a sedative.  Not to mention another hospitalization.  Perhaps I have just grown cynical, but to me it seemed like she was an actress on a stage.  She knew what would happen when she did all those things.  The hospital has urged me not to re-admit her, but to use the Juvenile Justice System instead next time.  No one says 'should it come to that' anymore.  I think we all know it will come to that again, it's just a matter of time.  Do I think Ava will benefit from the JJS?  No.  But maybe yes.  She is sick and possibly even dangerous and needs  long term residential treatment. That is her best hope.  Going thru JJS may be the only way to get that for her.  My upgraded insurance, when it kicks in (January) will only cover 30 days once a year.  30 days is not going to be enough time to turn her around.  First of all, because she is not really interested in changing her behavior.  And she likes being the center of the drama, which she certainly is. She is pretty much non-functional.  She cannot function properly at school or at home.  Well, she can for awhile.  Till she blows up again.  For her, it's all about control.  This is how she controls everybody, and it's pretty effective.

Elle said something to me the other day that was revealing for so many reasons.  She told me it was my fault Ava was in the hospital. After I recovered from my shock I asked her why she thought that.  She said I wanted to put her in there.  I assured her that was not true, and asked her again wny she thought that.  She said that I say things that I know will make Ava mad. In other words, I don't let her do what she wants to. I let her know why, I draw a line, a boundary.

I tried to explain to Elle what I do and why I do it, but not sure that got thru to her.

Let me clarify:  I generally work hard not to escalate situations.  I've gotten alot better about not yelling, about talking calmly, and sometimes when Ava says really outrageous things I ignore her because I know what she wants is a reaction. Often that escalates her to more outrageous behavior and ends up having to be met with limits.  Like restraint, or police, or ambulance or hospital.  Elle's comment made me wonder how much Ava was placated in Haiti.  Not so much at the orphanage, but at home.  She is very grandiose.  She expects compliance.  She is outraged when she does not receive it.

Right now she is walking around in kind of a bubble.  She is happy to be at home, but she is not willing to change her behavior or thinking.  She is tolerating my rules for now.  I talked to her about the JJS.  I told her that she might have to go there instead of the hospital next time, and she does not care.  She is very naive about what that is all about, and does not hear the facts.  She is in a bubble and she thinks she is bulletproof.

I am desperately worried for her and her future.  It's also difficult to attend to the other's neediness when she is taking up all the space, and unfair for them too.   I am being held up by a power greater than myself, I can assure you, and that is what keeps me moving forward in a mostly rational manner.  So if you are a prayer, please continue.  Please continue for all of us.  Thanks.