Mother's Day Redoux

I did not have a chance to say much yesterday. In addition to my own mother, I had another mother on my mind. She has been on my mind pretty much everyday for the past 2+ weeks, which was the day I met her. Hold on readers, we're going back to Haiti for a moment.

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When M picked me up at the airport she informed me that at least one of the birth parents would be coming on Saturday to say their final good-bye to the girls. Her feeling was that it would be the father. I had planned for this, it's something that M allows in some cases. It's one of the reasons I planned on staying 3 days. But when she told me it was actually happening, I felt weak in the knees. How do you do this, say good-bye to your children forever? Truthfully just thinking about it made me feel wimpy, and I am not really a wimpy person. I had no other information except that they were coming on Saturday. I had no idea what time. I felt safe in assuming it would not be first thing in the morning. I figured, late afternoon. Maybe later. About 1/2 way thru the day I told the girls and they just nodded. By dinner time they still had not come, but I had no doubt that that they would. I was pretty sure this involved a long car ride from Haiti's Southern Coast. We were on the terrace, it was dark, and we were halfway thru dinner when all of a sudden W started yelling "M'Tante! MTante!" (My Aunt, My Aunt) and jumping up and down in her chair. I looked over by the bar entrance, and sure enough, there was M. This is what all the kids call her. I waved, she came over to the table. She had more paperwork in her hand. She said they were downstairs. I asked if they wanted to come up and join us and she said no, they would wait for us downstairs. So she exited, I called the waiter and had him wrap up the uneaten dinners, none of us were hungry at that point anyway. While that was happening, W started jumping up and down on her chair again, shouting "M' maman! M' maman!" and sure enough, over by the same bar entrance, there was their maman and M's assistant, Caleb. They waved and then turned around and went back downstairs. We finally got the check taken care of and we soon followed. They were sitting on the wall by our room at the foot of the stairs. The girls ran up to their birth mom, and Caleb said hello again to me.

You know, some situations, you just can't prepare for. You just have to go with it. I know for some that have adopted from Haiti, this is not a big deal, and that some have already established relationships with the birth parents. But since these parents lived so far away, that has been impossible for us. At any rate, Marie introduced us, and she stood up. (And she is so tiny, but this did not surprise me at all because the girls are too) She had on a white suit with her pearls and low black pumps. Nothing fancy, but very understated and nice and I knew it was her best. She was everything I knew she would be. I wondered what in heavens she must think of me, this big blond in a tank top, but she came to give me a hug, and I said "Madame" and she hugged me and said "Madame" and we hugged and hugged. Then she held me at arms length and went into a speech. I kept looking at M, thinking she was going to break into some translation at any moment, but she waited. I know she did not give me the whole thing, because the translation was short. "She thanks you for taking these girls. They are good girls" Maman started talking again, and M said "She says she thanks you now and she will thank you from the heavens above" I looked at M sharply and she repeated "she says she will thank you from the heavens above" I said something, something like " I know they are good girls and I promise you I will take very good care of them". And then we went inside and took some pictures and she visited with the girls and Marie gave me the rest of my immigration paperwork. Then it was time to say good-bye. First of all, M gave the girls a long a serious talking too. Maman, Caleb and I watched, me in fascination, and everyone serious, and when she was done, she said,"I just told them to NEVER let a boy touch them in certain places!" I said, "wow, thank you". M said, "Oh, I tell all the girls that before they go!" and I was thinking wow, you are such an awesome woman! Then it was time for Maman to say good-bye. She was very serious but short with each girl. M and Caleb looked on with seriousness. I looked on with both hands clapped over my mouth and tears streaming down my face. I don't ever remember in my life using that gesture. Everyone was serious but I was the only one crying and I could not help myself. But they came to terms with this years ago.

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Believe me, over the last two weeks, I am very clear, as are the girls (thru smiles, tears and fears) that I am their mama. But I will never forget their first mother and of course, neither will they. I am a sheltered and spoiled American. I never thought this would be my life. I have no regrets, but I can't say I've ever had anything to prepare me for this. I am a rookie. God help me. My thoughts on Mother's Day yesterday were different than they were 15 or 20 years ago, when I was wondering if my (then) husband would remember to honor me, and what kind of gift he would come up with. Or even 10 years ago as a divorcee and a single mom, wondering if anyone cared. How foreign to what I experience now. It's so not all about me it makes me cry in shame. But I also feel a huge gratitude. Gratitude for the chance to raise these girls and give them a shot at life. And gratitude that I have been given another shot at life.

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There have been alot of moments over the last two weeks. The funniest one was the other night when I found little ML sound asleep standing up in the kitchen. I knew she had been quiet for a few minutes and when that happens, you better just check on it. The saddest? Today I took the garbage out and I forgot to tell her and when I came back she was again standing in the kitchen screaming in fear. I felt so awful. Her vulnerability was so front and center. W. tries to hide hers from me. I tell her every night that I love her very much, and I know she needs to hear it, but she has alot of walls. She wants to trust, but she is going to test first. I think that is pretty normal for her age and her circumstances. She is very much like me, at least how I was as a child. I finally got her to wear this outfit today. She has resisted some things and she is a very modest little girl, but today she wanted to wear jeans and flip-flops just like me.