Hello single parents. At some point all of us are going to hear some version of this question, and the fact is, there is not any easy answer to it!
I honestly never contemplated the (sometimes controversial) issues of single parenthood until I decided to become one. Even tho I am divorced my X and I have still raised the boys "together" and that worked out pretty well. Sometimes I wonder if I am shortchanging my girls because they do not have a daddy. There are plenty of people in the world that believe that it is wrong to raise a child without two parents, but the fact is, it happens. Parents get divorced, parents become widowed, and their are plenty of needy orphans around the globe that are---shall we say---extremely disadvantaged. Whose parents died in a war, or from a disease that they could not get treatment for, whose extended family cannot or will not take care of them. Kids who are starving, who may be ill, or even enslaved. It's all out there, a whole lot closer than we think, outside our 1st world bubble.
For me, I took the view that it was better for these kids to be adopted into a single parent home than to continue to struggle, not only to live, but to have some sort of a future. I also had wanted to expand my family for a long time, but the men I was with did not share my view. I decided to do something about it all before I got any older. I do believe, from my own experiences, that it's better to raise kids in a two parent environment and I am completely open to it, but right now that is just not the reality for me or the girls. I am grateful everyday for their first parents who provided them love and structure, even when it became impossible to provide food, health care and education. I am also grateful to my X (and I never thought I would say this!) for being there for the boys, and also, for providing a type of male role model/anchor for these girls. They adore him.
That said, here's the deal-io. We were watching "Hannah Montana the Movie" for about the 60th time the other day while I was doing Elle's hair. (BTW this movie also deals with single parenthood as one of it's themes) My favorite part of the movie came on, and as usual, I said, "this is my favorite part of the movie!"
What can I say? The man (still) has IT!
Elle looked up at me and said in all seriousness "Can you buy me a daddy?"
I did not mean to laugh but it was hard to help myself. I said "honey, I can't buy a daddy"
Ava said "You have to get married!"
Elle said "Well, I want you to get married, I want a daddy! He could help you!"
Ava "I don't want you to get married!" This is the second time she has expressed this, so I asked her,
"Why? Are you afraid he would take attention away from you?"
She nodded her head. She admitted it. I said "yeah, but you'd have a daddy!'
She shook her head. No, nada, negative.
Not to worry big girl. There is no daddy on the horizon right now. I'm sorry little girl, for now.
Then THEIR favorite part of the movie came on. Dance!
8 comments:
LOL every time Meg's dad comes in town the girls tell him he looks like Hannah M dad!
Love the dancing! Maybe if we save and save and save, one day we will be able to afford to buy a daddy for the girls. But until then, hey, we'll have to do!
So far I haven't had an issue with this from the girls...I think becasue they talk to their Haitian and Guatemalan daddies ont heir telephones. Plus Kiki plays a strong male role model for them..he really loves them up!! I am thankful for that.
Aves
Girl, you could have picked them up a Cuban daddy in Haiti for free! He thought you were muy caliente!!
I still die laughing everytime I think of that.
So glad I got to travel with you and Aves.
Such an innocent question to a complex situation, oh to be a kid again!!
This is a hard question because they do notice that the other kids have a Daddy.
The other day we were out front & the little girl across the street asked Christolla to come to her house. Christolla said "I can't cross the road". So the friend said "go ask your Mommy & Daddy if you can come to my house". Christolla said "I don't have a Daddy - I have a Mommy & a brother". :)
Another little boy in Nelsons pre-school class saw Brandon (brother) & Nelson walking together down the street. The little boy said to his Mom "there is Nelson & his Daddy". The Mom corrected him & said "no that is Nelson's & his big brother". The little boy said "No that's his Daddy, they have the same hair". hahahaha Brandon's hair is curly big hair hair but blonde.
Single parenting is exhausting - much more so at this age' then when my big kids were little.
Lila:
That day in Haiti went down as one of the craziest, happiest, funniest and most sad days of my life.
We snuck into the embassy, we got our appointments, the Cuban guy, getting our kids paperwork, the street kids, you flashing all of PAP, seeing our kids for the first time in many months....whew! All in one day. And to think I could have gotten engaged on top of it!
OH yeah we have been there. G's words "Mom, why you not get me a DAD?" that was a year or more ago. Now she will ask periodically. But she is already very into and interested in weddings, being married, being pregnant and all that fun stuff. I better tell her that her dream wedding is probably going to cost around 10 thousand dollars so she better start saving her allowance :) Now she just draws pictures of what my boyfriend will look like. The last one she made, he was wearing a wife-beater and had bigger boobs than me. LOL
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