Race On The Playground

Not the kind of race you usually associate with the playground.



This is a tough story to tell, and I only know how to do it in a straight-forward manner. I'm still in shock, and I don't know that I have any helpful insight or commentary at this point.





Except for the fact that we are on a furlough week, today was low-stress at work. It was the last day before our furlough-Thanksgiving break, which is 5 days, and because of our restricted hours, I actually had time (and just enough money) to do my holiday grocery shopping ALONE and pick up the kids early. When I got to the school, I walked in the front door and immediately sensed something was wrong. The PE coach was standing near the front door talking to a man and a little girl who were seated on a bench in front of the office. Coach runs the after school program, but he is usually gone for the day by the time I get there. (the YWCO counselors who do the bulk of the work anyway, finish the day) I recognized the little girl: she is in my Sunday School class. I know her mom, and I assumed the man was her father. As I walked by them he was asking her "was it the big one or the little one?" all the while following me with his eyes. I kept walking, but instinctively I knew he was talking about my girls. He may as well have said "was it the big BLACK one or the little BLACK one?" My kids are not the only black kids in aftercare, but they are the only ones that come as a package, so to speak. I thought 'I wonder WTH this is all about, and worked hard at keeping my anger and my panic level under the radar since I had no facts about anything yet. Just an instinctive fire alarm going off inside of me.



I got to the cafeteria and one of the YWCO counselors caught me at the door and said, "oh good you're here. Something happened today, and Coach needs to talk to you." I said "he's up front with L_ _ _ _ _ and her dad" the counselor said "well, I guess I need to tell you what happened today. Your girls are not in trouble or anything, but something happened"



I was glad he sorta clarified that. The girls have not had any behavior issues at school, but they've had some at home, and at that point I was wondering if some of it had spilled over.



But no. We went into the room next door and he proceeded to tell me that Ava and L----- had gotten into a minor altercation on the playground that included some shoving and some arguing. L----- ended up on the ground, and although she was not hurt, she was mad. At that point she called Ava the "N" word. Ava did not know what it meant but she knew it was bad. She must have said "I am not" because at that point L----- said she was because her skin was brown and not like her own.



I was so shocked I think you could have knocked me over with a feather. But my mind was racing. Where would this kid get this stuff and why did she think it was OK to bring it to school? All right, I realize that is not even a reasonable question sequence. The only answer possible is that she got it from an adult in her life and she is too young to control her emotions when she gets angry. But she must have known it was wrong because I found out later from Ava that she tried to apologize before Ava told anyone, and then she tried to lie about the fact that she said it.



At any rate, Coach finally came back and told me what happened. I asked him where he thought L------ got that word, and he said at first he was not sure because her dad was a policeman and he is Hispanic. He was 'interrogating' her when I walked in the front door, and he finally got her to admit what she did. Then Coach slipped a little and let me know that the Dad thought it came from Mom's side of the family, as they are divorced and apparently there is some animosity there. In my head I was imagining Mom and/or her family disparaging Dad, some of it based on his racial identity. I imagined if they had an issue about Hispanics, it did not stop there. Of course, L------ is half Hispanic too. And she is a very beautiful and sweet little girl. My heart is breaking for these little kids. But most especially for my own daughter. When we got home, I took her aside and asked her what happened. Her eyes started filling up with tears almost immediately, and spilled over when she got to the heart of the story. She definitely got that it was about her being brown and different, even though she did not know what that word meant.



I told her it was a bad word and we don't use it, and that L------ was in trouble because she did. I also told her it was not OK to shove little kids. But I told her most of all, "don't EVER let someone else make you feel bad about yourself by something THEY say. It's THEIR problem and those bad things are not true." I also told her that when Jesus looks at us he does not care or even see the color of our skin and he only looks at what is in our hearts, because that is what is important. That she is beautiful and we are all beautiful to Him. Also that if L------ apologized by chance, that she should accept her apology and not hold a grudge, because that is what Jesus would do, and what He would want her to do too.



She cried for a little while and I knew it really hurt her. And she does not even understand all the implications, she only knew that this little girl singled her out because she is different, and tried to make her feel like she was less than because of the color of her skin.



It may seems harsh that I'm tagging the Mom on this but there is a little history there. Mom goes to the same church I do, and like I said, her daughter is/was in my Sunday School class. But last Sunday, her mom pulled her out and put her in with the older age group, which is really not appropriate. It was obvious that there was a problem there, but I was trying not to take it personally. I really don't know this woman but I see her at school functions and at church and I am always friendly towards her. After church Sunday I saw her at a grocery store, and she obviously snubbed me. When I greeted her she turned her back on me.



I thought "Wow, she really does have a problem with me and I really don't even know her"



Based on all the evidence, I can only guess that she is one of those that 'does not approve' of my lifestyle. This is the same issue with my X-boyfriend/fiance' so it's semi-familiar territory.



I don't know what will happen next. L----- will be "written up" by the YWCO program. Yeah, she's five years old. I'm shocked that a 5 year old can be 'written up" but I guess it has to be documented. And it forces the parents to acknowledge it. It's really up to the parents to correct this. Church will be interesting on Sunday. There are at least 30,000 people in this county and probably 200 churches, and we happen to attend the same one. As well as Coach. He and I are on the same volunteer team.



I'm not a huge proponent of "political correctness", however I am even less a fan of hateful behavior. The huge majority of people I know or meet, Black and White, Hispanic and Asian, are pretty open and accepting of my family. Most people just love these girls. Still, it's jarring to encounter this personally, I won't lie.



And if you are thinking that the Deep South is hopelessly entrenched in this, I would have to disagree. Much has changed here, and in our country in general. I have lived in other places, and seen the ugly face of racism up close. I have always know it was morally wrong. The South has staged much of the institutional changes and there are still generations of grudges to be eased for people of both races. The media is obsessed with the dramatic. But you can encounter hate anywhere you go, as well as love. We can only hope and pray that love wins.