All My Children (Almost)

We have an interesting Cuban restaurant that I took the girls to on Friday night. Mostly outdoor seating with alot of funky mismatched furniture, crazy lights, some old boats, interesting murals and artwork, authentic salsa music (thanks to satellite radio) and most importantly, great food!

@ $20.00 it was a family bargain, and I got some fun photos. I didn't have to cook either!

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I started writing and update last week-end on the girls progress and I never got to finish it. That's how life goes, it flies right by, especially when small children are involved. But here is what I started for their six (and now seven) week update:

"I can't believe it's been 6 weeks already. So much has happened and it seems like the girls have been here forever. I think it's the compressed time aspect. I really wanted to be at home for 6 weeks with them, not 30 days. But...life and reality demanded otherwise. Aside from getting up so early in the morning they are adapting well to daycare. I put them in a smaller environment on purpose and it has turned out to be the right choice. I am also happy that they are in a diverse group right now. The school they will be going to will not be nearly so diverse, but I am OK with that and more importantly it appears that they will be fine. Ours is one of the best school districts in the state, and that trumps all else. Since my older kids went there I am familiar with it, I feel like the girls will be fine there. Little Miss Lady is aware of racial difference, but it does not phase her. Princess seems unaware, which is appropriate for her age. There is alot of good information on this kind of thing in the book "I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla". The author is very straightforward (and in my opinion accurate) about different school settings for minority children.
Language is coming around. Everyday there seems to be a little progress, so sometimes when I look at it like that it seems slow. But when I look at where they were 6 weeks ago, I see a tremendous amount of progress. Miss Lady understands most of what I say to her and is able to convey to me what I ask of her, either in language, or panamine. We do alot of that. I am worried about her education level. I am afraid they will stick her in the first grade, because that is about where she is. But with a little (professional) help I honestly feel she is ready for the second grade, with a little catch up help. She will turn 10 in this school year and I just don't want her to be in the first grade.
Princess, on the other hand is going straight to kindergarten, no question. While she is very very smart, in many aspects she is developmentally in a wide range. For the most part it seems she is in the 3 to 4 year stage, emotionally and developmentally. I agree with my friend Courtney. I was thinking this, but I could not find anything written about it...but it seems to me that emotional developement for some of these kids stops when they get to the orphanage. And no wonder. I always say, they are raising themselves there. In the best of circumstances they get some attention. But not enough. So they survive, but development stops or slows. The school at the O really helped my girls keep moving forward, at least somewhat, but that is not the same as emotional development. I think Princess was one of those kids in the O that cried alot."

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I wrote that last sentence because she still does. Everyday. Some of it is trauma. Truthfully, much of it is willfulness. I call it 'backwards spoiled'. She cries over not getting her way or getting what she wants, big and small. But it's not like she has experience with getting what she wants either. You could give her an endless reserve of time, attention and material goods, and she would find something 15 minutes later to be unhappy, whining, stomping feet about. (Trauma manifests itself so extremely differently that it's not difficult to discern the difference) I'm just going to say she spends plenty of time in the naughty chair. She can also turn on a dime and be the sweetest, most polite, loving and FUN kid you ever met. The challenge is addressing her willfulness as opposed to her abandonment issues effectively and simultaneously. Because I am feeling that this is where much of the negative behavior stems from.

That may sound rhetorical when discussing adopted children, but Little Miss Lady's abandonment issues are not nearly as severe. She told me weeks ago that Princess P cried in the O alot, but she told me the other day that she also cried alot as a baby at home. So anyway, we have some of that just about everyday, but things are improving as she realizes who is the boss...(not her)...and the rest of the time she is a joy to be around.

Don't mean to be painting a downer of a picture here. It's just the reality.

I love these girls like crazy, and that grows more and more everyday.

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Now, for news about my oldest son. He called me the other night and said he was "buying a plane ticket home to Georgia" in August. I thought he meant for a visit, but it became apparent he meant he was leaving the Bay Area. He loves San Francisco, but he can't afford it. He says he plans on staying home for a few weeks and then he and his girlfriend (she is from Atlanta) are going to travel around a bit and decide which big city they want to live in next. They are into the urban thing right now. He tends to change his mind alot, but I hope they stick to this plan and he at least comes home for awhile. I am estactic that his girlfriend is from Atlanta and also just finished her student teaching. She is apparently reaching him in ways that either me or his father could not,(which is normal too at his age) Finally he is considering going to school. I think he may actually be coming to terms with the reality that living with just a HS education is tough, especially when he has the option of doing life differently. I did want him to have some life experience since he decided not to go to school right away. I actually wanted him to get out of this local environment for at least a little while because even tho this a great area it can become a stagnant little fishbowl, and I have seen many a 40 year old man around these parts still playing the hipster (or the hippie) still dreaming about their rock-star future. Most of the rock stars around here (yes, we have some big ones) hit it long before 40 years old. There is nothing wrong with the dream. It's when a life gets wasted chasing unreality, I find that depressing. I did not want that to happen to him, and he was headed down that road, because that's his cool crowd around here. When he moved to the Bay Area, I became resigned to the fact that he might never come back and that was difficult. But being a native Californian, I completely understood. He is a native Californian too.

At any rate, I hope he sticks to his current plan. I'm ready for him to be 'home' (assuredly, he won't be living with me, but with his buddies and/or girlfriend) and his brother misses him too. His sisters are already in love with him and they've never met him. LOL