Monday, August 31, 2009

A Little Catch Up

First of all, I'm going to bite the bullet here and start calling the kids by their real names. It's just feeling too contrived to do the alias thing. I feel like I don't have enough time to be contrived. The whole alias thing messes up my mental flow, and God knows I sure don't need that!


When the girls first came home I called them by their Haitian names. I told them when we were in Haiti that they had American names, and I told them what they were. They seemed fairly unimpressed and I decided it would be best not to force the issue at that time. I also figured out that if they were really freaked out by a name change that I could easily live with them keeping their Haitian names as their first names. As time progressed, we would occasionally talk about it but I still did not force anything. Then I enrolled them in daycare. I enrolled them as using their Haitian names as their middle names, since that was the plan anyway. At that point I was not that attached to the whole idea anymore, but their peers started calling them by their American names and by that time they were ready for it, and they accepted it with pride and pleasure.



Ava Widmina; now just Ava


Elle Marie Lovely; most of the time just Elle now,
or Elle Marie
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Elle Marie has been complaining about a toothache off and on and before I could get her in for a check-up, the situation deteriorated suddenly, and for the worse. All of a sudden as of last Wednesday she was in terrific pain all of the time, and orajel or Tylenol did not even touch it. I got her in to see the dentist Thursday, who referred her to a pediatric dentist. The cavity was right on a nerve, and that was the problem. Who unfortunately could not see her until today. The last 5 days have been pretty hellish. It's hard to have a baby that is crying in pain almost all the time. Hard on her, hard on everybody. She was prescribed Tylenol with codeine, which seemed to have a short shelf life when it came to pain relief and ending up giving her a stomach ache plus constipation on top of it all. Let me just say last night ended with a Tylenol PM for her and an adult beverage for me. Today we went to the dentist, and I knew it was going to involve sedation, so I was able to explain that to her. After looking, the dentist decided it was going to be best to remove the baby tooth instead of trying to save it. I explained all that to her as well. They took her back and it was all over with pretty quickly. She did well, and did not cry.

Until she got in the car. Then she started mourning that tooth. She did not believe me when I told her another one was going to grow in it's place. By the time we got home home she was in a full on rage. She raged over that darn tooth for at least an hour, boy was she mad. I also tried to explain to her that she was not going to have anymore of that deep pain, but she would not listen. That dentist took something important away from her, and she was having none of it. She'd already forgotten how much pain she'd been in over the past 5 days. Sigh.

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Ava has been doing some extreme grieving over her 1st mom and her family in Haiti. It's hard to listen to and it's hard to watch but I know it's crucial for me to be there with her and I am glad that she trusts me enough to demand that I go thru it with her. Some seemingly little thing will set her off and she goes into an irrational tantrum. Then she starts screaming for her first mama over and over. Then she rages, and I mean she rages. Finally she breaks down into sadness and that is when she will finally allow me in, in fact she needs me at that point. The good news is, the whole process builds trust for her towards me. I KNOW she has to go thru it. Also, she will tell me lots of things about her life and her family before and after these episodes. There have not been too many, just a few at this point. It's really hard. And I know it's a 100X harder on her than me, which just blows my mind.

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But other than these detours, the girls are doing really well. Ava likes to cook. She has alot of natural style. She is catching up in her reading level, moving really quickly. Her latest favorite saying is "Yes Ma'm!" Elle is full of energy and extremely naturally athletic. She can be unbelievably sweet. For all they've been thru they still have their innocence. And they are a ton of fun.

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Nick and Ashley came over the other night on their way out of town. They were on their way to NYC via Raleigh and Philly. Not sure how long they will be up there, and he left a suitcase behind, but if I were a bettin' woman, I would say he'll be there for awhile. He's restless, and their is no place like New York for that. I could have lived there when I was younger, but I did not discover the place for myself until long after I became a small town girl again, so for me it's a great place to visit but I don't want to live there. However, I think he will like it. I don't expect him back for that suitcase for awhile.


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As for Lucas...well, right now he's a teenager doing teenage things. He's pretty good with his sisters, but he was ready to see his dad the night Nick and Ashley came over, so he did not stay for this love fest. I promise I will sneak up on him with the camera soon!

7 comments:

Not Betty Crocker said...

Good to get an update.

I agree on the aliases-it's hard to keep up with who's who when your writing.

It's nice to know I'm not the only one enduring rages right now.

So glad your boy was able to come home and visit for a little while.

Jennifer said...

Love the pics with big brother jump roping,and the girls' beads flying! Glad her toothache is gone, and she'll be glad soon too. Sometimes you just don't know what's going to set off the grief, do you?
Love their American names! I still need to figure out middle names for my girls; still tossing some around.

sarah said...

Wow you do such a great job with those girls! And I LOVE their names I have an Elle Marie, and Ava.....so cute!

Lisa said...

I love their names, they are beautiful and fitting and I love that they love them, that is what counts!

I also love that you are know using them on the blog, I too would of tired of the whole alias thing!

I'm sad about the grieving, but of course know how natural it all is. It's got to be hard to watch, I can only imagine that kind of hurt, and to have it come from such a young child, OUCH!

It's wonderful that they are trusting you, and letting you in, what a great second mama you are!

Thanks for sharing, overall things appear to be going very well, what gorgeous girls you have!

Lisa

veggiemom said...

Sorry about the cavity and the grief. Tough for all of you. I'm so glad things are going well otherwise and I think your totally right on about how to deal with the grief. Good luck as you continue to work through everything.

Glady said...

The girls look great and you are getting the hair thing down...
I will definately have to loc Lolie s hair, I have zero skills :)

This Mama said...

Thanks for the update Marta!!

I love the photo of your oldest guy jump roping with Ava and Elle (very pretty names btw!).

It is good to know what to expect for the homecoming and I think you handle things like a pro. Your just very down to earth, honest, and what a Mom!! I was a single Mom with one child before Rob and I were together...it is hard not getting the breaks, having the extra person to bounce things off of...I admire your strength. It would be hard to hear the things that Ava is sharing with you, it gives me an idea of what to expect with Lovely. I think the older siblings carry so much of a burden with them that maybe they did not have a chance to grieve as much while in Haiti. I expect that with Lovely, I think Isa was the one who told me "take care of her first". When she is solid the little ones will feel it and be more at peace too.

Take care Marta!

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