What A Tangly Web We Weave

Life is funny sometimes. You never know what is going to happen next! L. is going to Haiti with me after all. I held out on cancelling his ticket for a few days, but he seemed steadfast (and satisfied) with his decision. I offered it to another PAC mom who had expressed some interest in going over the holidays, because at this point, those tickets are getting hard to come by at a decent price. But she had too many committments to get away. Good thing. When I finially called the airline I found out my tickets were non refundable AND non transferrable. Even though I am the purchaser, I could not even transfer his ticket to me for a later trip! (Read that fine print when you get those good deals!) So, I thought to myself, looks like he's going after all! Now...how to break it to him???? He was at his dad's for a few days, but after he'd been home for a bit on Friday, I told him about how I could not do anything with his ticket except postpone his trip---that was the only option. So, he needed to go with me. Thinking it was all settled, I went into the kitchen to cook/clean/whatever. About 5 minutes later he came in and said, "OK, mom, I guess I'll go"...even better, now he thinks it's his idea!!! Saturday his dad called, wanting to see what the Christmas "schedule" was (you joint custody parents know what I'm talking about) and to make sure we were not duplicating presents for the boys. I told him L.was going to Haiti with me because I could not cancel the ticket. He got real quiet, then he said, "I thought we'd (he and his wife)just about talked him out of it". I got into steamroller mode and said, "Well, he's going, and it will be the experience of a lifetime for him" etc, etc. I think my ex suffers from alot of guilt feelings. By the end of the conversation he had agreed to pay for our flights from Atlanta to Fort Lauderdale!!! And that was his idea, not mine, I was planning on driving!

But obviously I knew for sure then where the whole thing had gotten hung up. Even though L. had denied it earlier when I had asked him if not going on this trip was his father's idea. The whole concept of it being "depressing", well, those are his father's words. I have never heard L. use that term until he "decided" suddenly to nix his trip, but I sure have heard his father use it many many times. As in, didn't want to watch a certain movie, too depressing, or watch a certain show, too depressing. Or listen to certain music, too depressing. I don't think my son will find the trip to be depressing, even though aspects of it are. It's more likely that he might find it to be boring at times! But he is too much like me in that he is curious and interested in the human condition, and how other people live. In my heart, I know it will be a life altering experience for him, although he may not realize it until much later.

At 14 he is full of testosterone. He thinks he is the man, and he makes all his own decisions.(I let him think that to a degree) Some of these decisions over the past 6 months, have not been that great, and have landed him in various degrees of hot water. He has faced some consequences. Nothing so serious that he cannot overcome, but I think it will be good for him to see how many other people in this world live, in contrast to the opportunities that he has.

While I firmly believe all of our children should have their innocence and their childhood, I do not think it is good to shelter them too much past a certain age, because then they are unprepared for the realities of life. It's ironic that my Haitian children, at much younger ages have led lives so much harsher than
anything my boys, or my ex-husband, for that matter, could imagine. I have already discussed some of these realities with my boys, but I think I'll spare my ex-husband, as I'm sure he would find it "too depressing".