Proclaim Your Rarity

Friday I was driving to work and was listening to someone on the radio spout the "Rules of Life". Number 1 was this: Proclaim Your Rarity

It struck a chord with me. How many of us take the time to realize that each of us is is truly a unique individual, as no other before us, as no other will ever be after us? It's easier for me to look at my children and remember this, than it is to think about myself and remember it. Our one size fits all culture fights this concept. I will choose to fight back.

The other reason it resonated with me is because I was waiting for a phone call. I had received the shocking message Wednesday night that my favorite aunt had suddenly passed away. I have written about her here before, about her wedding last fall, and my last trip to Tennessee.

She is my mother's oldest sister, and even though growing up we lived quite a few hours apart, and both families were large, we spent plenty of quality of time together. She and mom had the same amount of children (6), over the course of about 20 years, and we all had matching sibling groups. So she and my cousins were always in our lives during my childhood. In my adulthood she would get in her car and drive long distances to our graduations, weddings, baby showers, even my Dad's funeral 3 summers ago. We did the same for their family. We were not best friends, but we were close family and always there for each other.

14 years ago, I was married and moved across the country with my husband and 2 boys because his entire company had been transferred to the state of Georgia. Our marriage had been shaky, and my sister's begged me not to go, but I was determined to keep my marriage together. However the move was the last straw. So I found myself stuck by law in a joint custody situation nearly 3000 miles from home. I have had no real choice but to make a new life here, and my friends have had to be my "family" on many occasions. I am not complaining at all, I have a good job, a good relationship with my former husband, and I live in a small but dynamic and diversified area. I have established a life, and I love it, but I won't try to pretend it has always been easy. What was missing was my extended family which is handy to have around when you are a single mom. Your family gives strength, acceptance, love, a piece of their mind when you need it,often when you don't want it. I had to move across the country to find out how important this is.

When I heard my cousin and his wife had moved to the Nashville area I was happy but I did not get in the car and drive right up there. He, like me, was the happy adventurer in life and so we kept missing each other at special events. I had not seen him in 18 years and I had not met his wife because they got married after I left. But when my aunt came back to live with them, she provided the glue and the motivation to get myself up there for a visit. Then my mom came for her first visit in 11 years, which happened to coincide with Auntie's sudden wedding.

So that was the beginning of a wonderful thing for me. I finally felt like I had someone that knew me, really knew me, not so far away. But now 8 short months later here I was, waiting for a phone call from a small but overwhelmed group of family. Waiting to find out about the service. After I got to the office, W called, and said the service was that evening at 6pm! Somehow, I was thinking it would be Saturday. I postponed a meeting, called my boss, tied up a few loose ends, drove home, packed a bag and hit the road. It's about a 6 hour drive. Kinda the same way it was when we were kids. Only two of her California kids came back east. It had been many years since we'd seen each other. Auntie choose cremation, so there was a memorial service planned. Another memorial is planned in California for August.

In the short time Auntie had been in Tennesee she had made quite an impact and she was VERY happy. Her son and his wife carefully monitored her symptoms from dementia with appropriate medications, and she was living a normal life for the first time in years. Auntie was full of life, and believe me not easy to monitor. She joined the local Senior Center with her son's encouragement and hung in there until she started making many friends. She made one very special friend there and married him! They were just crazy about each other, and had both waited a very long time for this love. It is bittersweet that they had only 8 months together. The service was large, full of the Senior group, the church group, and then the family group, which included the groom's family members also.

If she is not careful, Cousin J may get recruited as an AARP spokes woman!

After the service, we went back to the house for "Life Celebration". If that seems strange or irreverent to some, you must realize that this is the way she would have wanted it. Her children were stressed from traveling and making arrangements in a short period of time, and somehow it seemed a natural way to begin to reconcile grief with life that must go on.

My "baby" cousin, we bonded

She loved to dance, and so there was dancing.

The house was packed with people of all ages. Her groom held up a whole lot better at the service and the celebration than I would have imagined. I was told he was completely broken down the day before, but on this night, he seemed happy to see how much she was supported and loved. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind he loved her with all of his heart.

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Most of us had to leave the next day, including the California group. They had a long flight itinerary ahead of them, with days of stress and no sleep piled on, so I know they were happy to get home. I chose to take the longer drive back to Georgia. I argued with myself about it a little bit...but I had no other humans with me, and that is rare, so I figured what the heck. I am so glad I did. It was extremly healing driving across the great state of Tennessee, eating Chick-fil-A and blaring country music on the speakers with my corgi dog riding shotgun, admiring and feeling grateful for God's green earth.

The Great Smokies

Cumberland Gap

This was a sobering reminder about those that came before us.I have driven by here quite a few times and never really noticed this before.

If I were going to pontificate --- and not that I'm going to, but IF I was---today, I would say:

Do your best to make good choices, then give it all you've got! LIVE your life! And proclaim your rarity, because it matters. It really does.