Reflections

Still reflecting on my trip to Haiti, although for the most part I have now re-integrated. That is the thing...a few short days there, and your life and soul are changed and touched, forever. One thing that was different this time was that I have not fallen into post-Haitian depression (PHD). Not sure if it's because I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, or if I am wrangling through a number of personal issues that have plagued me from the beginning of this adoption. At any rate, here is what I know for sure;

• Little girls in Haiti prefer to wear dresses and skirts over and above everything else. Forget about those cute little short outfits, or pants.


• Little girls in Haiti (and everywhere, I suppose) love hair products...lotions, combs, scarves, bows, headbands...anything to do with hair.
• Little girls in Haiti can braid with lightning speed!


• Just because little kids in Haiti have very little English does not mean they don't understand what you are saying.


• Little girls in our Haitian orphanage can jump rope anyone under the table!


• Old Navy is having a killer sale on all their summer dresses right now!


• If you think you may be making a trip to Haiti in the wintertime, where it is still warm and tropical, better stock up on summer supplies NOW before they are all gone...i.e. swim rings and floaties, clothing, flip flops...


• If your adoptive children are lucky enough to be receiving any kind of education while still in Haiti, it will be different than what we are used to in North America or Europe.


• If your children are older, in terms of education you may have to back up to go forward. There are likely a variety of developmental steps that they have not learned. It appears that if they are of normal intelligence, or above that, they will pick these things up quickly and move on to the next step.


• I just purchased two scholastic workbooks for Kindergarten and First Grade for my 8 year old daughter. This appears to be the level we need to work at and hopefully master before she begins in our public school system.


• In my adoption circle of "friends", I find that the referrals made to our families, whether by our choice, or by others, are remarkably well matched. This is one of the consistent miracles of adoption.


• If you put hairspray or anything else on your hair while in Port-au-Prince, it will mostly serve as a magnet for grime.


• If you color your hair, and then wash it in Port-au-Prince, it will look completely different than it does at home. Chemical reaction upon chemical reaction (with the water, I suppose).


• Make up will not stay on your face. Forget about it.


• My skin broke out after I came home. 3 weeks later I am still fighting with it.


• Take some kind of astringent to clean the grime off your face. You will feel better and you may unclog your pores. I forgot mine.


• DO NOT forget your sunscreen!


• The sun starts to come up around 4:30am and goes down around 5:30pm in Port-au-Prince, and that is at the summer solstice.


• One of the most beautiful forms of communication in Haiti is singing.


• It is a whole lot more fun to travel with friends than alone.


• Don't be too hard on yourself if you have a meltdown while in Haiti. It is not unusual. And, that's what friends are for!


• Your adoptive child may or may not want or need to regress. Try to think about it this way...they obviously missed something, maybe many things, along the way. Or, they may want to grow up and move on, but don't know how.


• Is it an oxymoron to have a Haitian child that is a picky eater?


• W has grown 1/2" and gained 2 and 1/2" overall in the year she has been at the O.


• L has grown 2 and 1/2" and gained 3 and 1/2" overall in the year she has been at the O.


• They were somewhat gaunt in their referral pictures, taken 18 months ago. Now they are not. They are still small, to be sure.


• Wounds can heal, but they may leave scars.


• Scars can lessen. Wounds and scars tend to heal faster for children.


• Scars are not always necessarily bad. They can make us interesting if we can integrate them, learn to live with them.


• I have fallen in love with Haiti and her people and many things about the Haitian culture.


• This is a strange passion shared worldwide by certain people. You know 'em when you meet them. It crosses all divides: political, cultural, religious.

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I'm using this statue I bought as an analogy of my reflections of 'scars'. If you look closely, you will see a line in the torso of the woman. It is not supposed to be there; it is a scar. For some unknown reason, L decided to take this statue and pound it against the tile to see how much of a pounding it could take. I suspect not much. (I had my back turned for 60 seconds---big mistake) I could freak out and think it was symbolic of her, even take it personally, but I really just think it was the wound-up action of an excitable 5 year old, that does not always understand the consequences of her actions. Typically, W couldn't wait to show me the damage, and act out exactly how it happened for my benefit. This entire scenario reminded me so much of me and my sister, growing up. These girls are so much like us in personality, it almost scares me! My little sister was always doing these kinds of crazy things and I could never understand it. But, we just had different mindsets and personalities, which were ultimately completely compatible, and we turned out fine.

The consequence was that L knew I was angry about what she had done, and she laid on the floor and cried and I let her, for a few minutes. I put on my Big Bad Mama Bear voice, and asked her why did she do this? I stepped around her for a bit and went about my business.(Oh! Big Bad Mama Bear!) I wanted her to know it was not OK with me. I also wanted her to know it was not the end of the world, and I was not going to love her any less. I don't know if she was actually remorseful or upset that I was angry with her, but then I picked her up, and gave her a hug, and she quit crying and we went on about our evening. Sometimes a language barrier can be a benefit. Does this signify deeper issues, or is she just a normal, smart, albeit somewhat hyper little child? Time will tell. But since there is no way for me to know right now, I'm not going to over-worry myself. The statue now serves as a reminder to me that all of us, including our children, have scars. I don't believe that any child of adoption can come out of that experience unscathed. But I do believe they can heal. I believe it is our job to love them. It is our job to facilitate the healing.