Interior Design and Me

Those of you that know me well also know that I have been working for several years on a second degree in Interior Design. It has been an important part of my life and a great experience. I work at a major university that offers this very demanding program thru the School of Art. It was a great honor to be accepted into the art school, and then into the exclusive interior design program. My employee benefit package offers a free tuition program. When I first started this, I was able to take 2 classes a semester, and my GPA was stellar. However, I was promoted several years ago, and it seems my job only becomes more demanding, certainly not less. (Keeping the job and remaining in good standing is a requirement of retaining these benefits) In addition, the course work for this program has also become more demanding as I have progressed. It seemed that no matter how I set up my support system at work at the beginning of the semester, it would take only one small issue to set into motion a downward spiral that would affect my ability to attend class (required) and my classwork. I went to taking one class per semester, and then not taking any classes in the fall, because it is so busy. It also affected my role as Mother, and certainly my personal life. I found myself in the precarious position of sacrificing everything else for job and academia. And I had to finally ask myself if it was worth it. I also had to ask myself if I was too spread out to be able to do anything well.

Now, I hate to give up anything that I believe in. I will resist and fight that idea sometimes to my detriment. But I also hate not doing things well. I am not a perfectionist, but I am all about quality over quanity. It is a bad feeling to when you realize that everything worthwhile in your life is mediocre because you are spread too thin.

I could have made the choice to quit my job and use this adoption money to power through a year and a half of school to finish this degree. I would at that point be able to switch careers, but I had to ask myself, would I be happy with that? I would be at an entry level position with an entry level salary, and as competetive as the design field is, I would be working more hours than I do now. Which might be OK if I didn't have a young teenager at home. I felt like if I chose to do that, I would be doing it only to prove that I could finish what I had started no matter what. I also would most likely not be able to expand my family.

Meanwhile, life was passing me by. I was too busy for it. And life is short. So when the I began truely re-evaluating my life goals last winter, including family and adoption, I began to realize that I just might need to let this go, at least for now. The sacrifices required to complete this seemed too great. I took one last class last semester as I was contemplating all of this. On cue, things at work got stretched, and so did I. I ended up posting the worst grade EVER in my academic career, much to my dismay. And there was not a darn thing I could do to prevent it.

Here is how I have chosen to look at it. Unless the world stops turning as we know it, the university will always be there. But life is happening now, and I do not want to miss any more of it. Completing my family is a much more important goal to me, and on that issue I do have a window of time, which is growing shorter.

As difficult as it was for me to accept this choice, my life now is much richer, and I am much happier now that I have!