Late To The Party

Since the fact that I am adopting is out in the open now, I'm getting some *negative* comments that many of you may have received early on. Here was the one I got today (not directly, of course. Comments behind my back. From my neighbor. Don't ya love it?) This person said "I don't believe she should be adopting from another country. I believe Americans should only adopt Americans."

Of all the negative stereotypes, (and in a trans-racial international adoption, there is opportunity for many) I think this one makes me the most angry. I've heard it already, and I've been trying to prepare myself because I know this is a common sentiment.

On the surface, it seems somewhat reasonable. But that is the problem. Folks make these statements and they are only brushing the surface. Most of them don't have a clue about adoption, domestic or international. And they have no intention of finding out any more about it.

If ever I was to be involved in a righteous cause, it would be for Adoption Reform in the US. It is an extremely convoluted, political, bureaucratic problem that makes a Rubik's cube look simple. It infuriates me. It infuriates me because so many of the children in the system have been recycled thru said system sometimes many times over. Why? Because the parents have the ultimate rights, not the kids, no matter how unfit or abusive the biological parents are. Sometimes parents get it together and everyone wins. But for the kids that are out there readily available for adoption, this has not generally been the case. (I assume everyone knows that true orphans are a rarity in state cases.) Sure, the state can and will take kids away that are being abused. In fact, all it takes is an anonymous call from ANYBODY in the state of Georgia, alleging abuse, and the parent will be investigated. The state can and will take kids away if they find or perceive abuse. They will also bend over backwards to get these kids back to parents, and sometimes this is a poor choice. If it is indeed a dysfunctional/abusive situation, the cycle of abuse or neglect starts again, and the cycle of the state taking away and giving back continues. The kids cycle in and out of foster care. When finally they are relinquished/taken away, the child(ren) has/have serious issues, naturally. (I'm giving a very short and general synopsis for the sake of expediency) I have seen and heard of failed adoptions, over and over, where the foster parent is on the verge of a legal adoption for a child, and the parent changes their mind at the very last minute, and the child is relinquished back to the parent by the state, in the hope for change, which rarely comes. Often when the child is finally relinquished or taken away, they are older, even teen-agers and these children, as in international cases, are harder to adopt. Their profiles usually state which pschyactric(sic) drugs they are on and/or which therapies must be continued, and what kind of families they should be adopted into. ( A two parent family, or they should be the youngest, or they require constant supervision---euphemism for a SAHM) Sometimes they are part of a sibling group which complicates the matter even further.

---And yes, I realize that my adopted children may need therapy and/or drugs at some point. As is possible with my bio kids. If they need it, they will get it. I don't know alot about my adopted children's history, or how it has affected them. Whatever it is, we will deal with it appropriately---

I don't know all the answers. But I don't think 'the system' does either. It has only been 15 short years since Congress passed a law basically stating that race was not the most important factor in choosing adoptive parents. This happened because 'the system' believed to the point of obsession (and the law was on their side) that the race of the adoptive child had to match the race of the adoptive parent. Foster children on the verge of adoption were being torn from the only homes they'd ever known be placed with a parent/family that matched their race.

I hope our system is improving, but it's hard to say. Many good people get out of it because of the burn-out factor. My social worker on this adoption was one of them.

In fact there are thousands of children in the US that need homes. The statistics say between 1/2 to 3/4 of a million. My heart breaks for them. But as the head of my household, I understood what my financial and emotional limitations were, and that I did not have what it takes to go down this road. I did not have the resources. For the people that do; they have my utmost admiration.

And I am not even talking about adopting an infant, which is a whole other realm.

This is the face of adoption in the US. In the most general of terms.

Most people that make that blanket statement, about adopting domestically, don't know any of this.

Not that international adoption is a piece of cake. I cringe when non adopters state with some kind of (imagined) authority that people adopt abroad because it is easier. It's not, it's just different.

For the record, I adopted internationally because that is what I was led to do. If you have read my story, you will know that I was led directly to Haiti, almost against my will, time and time and time again. I finally succumbed to my calling and I could not be happier.

Why? Because that's where my children are, apparently.

That God. What a multi-tasker! Along the way I have met so many friends from all over the world. While I have never been particularly xenophobic, it has ensured that I never will be. But I have only one question for Americans that think we should only adopt other Americans.

How do you think God looks at this?

If you don't believe in God, or don't believe that God cares enough about us to care, I will put it another way. Why do you think children abroad less are deserving than those in our own country?

I am not thin skinned, but ignorance mixed with arrogance gets on my nerves. I also know I'm preaching to the choir, since my neighbor will not be reading my blog. Oh how I wish she and other folks like her cared enough to be truly informed.